A Touch More of Insight
by Kylara
Summary: Kagome monologue about Kikyou and Inuyasha after Act 176. Loving IY, understanding Kikyou, and understanding herself. Oldest IY fic of mine, and it shows :x but has some decent parts. Ch. 2 - pro-Kikyou essay, part of extended author's notes.
1. Default Chapter

Written out of a fit of anger.  ^_^ No, it's not an 'evil' fic.  I take a lot of liberties here with Kagome (she's more thoughtful, but chapter 176 proves she does think like this anyway), and also with the whole 'reincarnation' thing.  This is based on the manga.

Update as of December 27, 2001

I have just seen episode 48 of the anime.  -.-  This just sounds like a re-writing of Kagome's little speech to Inuyasha!  ;_;  The manga is less clear on this scene than the anime is, so when both the anime and I expanded on the idea, we came up with the same result.  I hope that's a good thing.  Anyway, the title is changed now because this is really just a little bit extra that the anime doesn't have.

You had to have read at least the translation for Manga Chapter 176… or seen up to anime episode 48.  Obviously, since I don't think that chapter is translated here in the U.S., you can read them here:

http://www.wot-club.org.uk/Inuyasha/ 

By the way, isn't chapter 244 just the sweetest?  I love the ending!

Update as of September 23, 2002

Wow, it's been more than an entire year since I've changed this.  ^_^  I suppose it's natural, then, that I'm editing it.  I didn't strictly re-write all of it, although I did cut out some completely useless blathering… and re-dressed a lot of the really bad paragraphs.  Adding some new flavor to some very jerky sentences – wow, this really needed a revamp o.O  The order and structure is still pretty much the same, though.

Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha.  Nor do I own "Here Be Dragons," by Sharon Kay Penman.  I just borrowed the quote.  Thanks very much to her and my sister's fanfic (god, my sis pops up in all my fics, doesn't she) for writing her old SM fanfic that inspired me to use that particular quote. 

~

A little while ago, my English class had a difficult assignment.  We were supposed to read an English book (in English, unfortunately), and then do an analysis – in English.  I didn't really have any time to do this – not with Inuyasha dragging me back to the Sengoku Jidai every few days (and sometimes, not even that).  Besides, my English is just horrible enough that when I try to write or speak in it, I come up with a warped Japenglish (as my friends put it) instead.  So I begged Jii-chan to plead to my-very-superstitious-sensei for a lighter assignment, and even though I'm sure she'd rather burn me, she did – most likely because of the demon that he'd swore that he had exorcised from behind her.  So instead, I was instructed to just read a book that she recommended me, along with a very loose summary (in English).  I was grateful, but not for long - she gave me one of the thickest books I've had to read in a long time, in any language.

Luckily enough, "Here Be Dragons," by Sharon Kay Penman, was interesting enough so that I didn't mind flipping constantly through my bilingual dictionary.  I couldn't put it down at some points, which resulted in me staying up late nights in the Sengoku Jidai, Inuyasha curiously watching over my shoulder as I read.  He asked once if it was another spell book, and I said it wasn't.  He must not have believed me, because then he speculated shredding it – out loud.  I think that he was begging for an 'osuwari' then.

And it was one of the normal moments we had, the ones where he and I could argue and laugh and blush.  So rare, but so lovely, and so precious.  It was after the time when Kikyou was talking to Inuyasha, and I saw them together, at the Goshinboku.  That horrible time, when my scowl froze, along with my entire body, except for my heart, which I think broke back into four pieces.  But it was even worse than that, because I didn't know that my body would freeze like that, that my heart would break like that – and because of all people, Inuyasha.  I didn't know that I loved him until he was 'gone'.

But is he really gone?    

I love Inuyasha.

Inuyasha cares for me.

Inuyasha loved Kikyou.  Cares for her, still.

He cares so much.  But not too much.

And Kikyou is filled with tulmulting emotions, hating Inuyasha and loving him.  Wanting to take him to hell with her.

I hate Kikyou for wanting to do that to him.  And yet I don't.

And despite this, Inuyasha is still devoted to her, still caring for her, still willing to give his life for her.

I don't think I'm stupid for loving him, nor for wanting to stay by him.  I told Inuyasha that although Kikyou and I are of the same soul, we are not the same person - but that our feelings are the same.  I want to see Inuyasha so much, that no matter how foolish he is, or how much he hurts my heart, I cannot help but want to see him.

_"Mou ichido Inuyasha aitai..."_

_"I want to see Inuyasha again..."_

From the depths of sadness, I thought this.

For what else could anyone ever say?  I can't wish that Kikyou never existed; something tells me that Inuyasha would never be who he is if not for her.  Would I still love him, today, if she hadn't been there?  I think, I hope, yes – but that doesn't make her love less strong.

She loved him.  Despite her powers weakening, despite her mission to protect a damned jewel, despite all her training and morals and her very_ life itself_, she loved him.  Was she wrong, to love him so dearly?

Never.

For I cannot help loving him myself, my beloved Inuyasha.

She and I are one soul, trapped by his.

Let say that again - not trapped: simply that our soul cannot pass through life without meeting Inuyasha, without loving him...

Without loving him, Kikyou is not Kikyou, and I am not me.  I'm not Kikyou, and Kikyou isn't me, but our feelings are the same, just as one fourth of our soul is, too.

When free from jealousy and sadness, I remember what Inuyasha said: that he had to do this for Kikyou, because she died, and the dead do not have second chances - so he must _make_ one for her.  Someone whispered, once – I don't remember whom, anymore - "She died full of hate... and all of her love was for nothing, because in the end she did not trust him, and instead hated him."  Because of this, she does not deserve him doing this for her; it would be better for me, and the world, if she simply passed on.

But Naraku said the truth, too, in that bitter monologue.  He said that she died needlessly, following after Inuyasha in vain.  Her heart hated him for what he had done, but could not damn him, either.  Instead of hatefully wishing that only she would live, she wished that she be taken away, burned with the Shikon no Tama, the cause of her inhumanity.  She took that with her to death.  And did not fall into Onigumo's trap.

Because despite it all, when she died, her heart loved him as much as she despised him.  Loved him too much to damn him, loved him too much to live without him.

Because if Kikyou's soul – me - had really not wanted to see him again, I doubt that she would've reincarnated.  I'm sure if she wanted, truly wanted, she would have gone straight to the afterlife after dying, where she might've had some type of peace - but she didn't.  

Because somehow, in someway, she wanted to see him again.

_"Mou ichido Inuyasha aitai..."_

_"I want to see Inuyasha again..."_

From the depths of death, she thought this.

Who is saying this?  Kikyou or me?

Our feelings, if not us, are the same.

I think, I think, I think.  I could be wrong.  I'm not Kikyou – she and I share a soul, but we're not the same.  So maybe I don't know, maybe she only wanted to be reincarnated to blast Inuyasha into hell.  Because maybe, maybe, once she _was_ reincarnated, she didn't have any control over her soul anymore, because her soul was me, and I am Kagome, not Kikyou, and I control my own life, thanks very much.  Or I did, that is, up until the moment that I met Inuyasha, and the cycle began again, a never-ending circle that turns and turns and turns in the curve of the moon.

What is Kikyou really thinking, I wonder?

I know that Inuyasha wonders the same thing.

Later, much later, after I told Inuyasha I'd stay by his side, I remembered something.  My favorite quote from "Here Be Dragons," out of all the scenes and passages, is this one: "The human heart is not like a loaf of bread; if I give a large portion to him, it does not follow that I must then give you a smaller slice."  Joanna says that.  I don't remember whom she's saying it to, or about what, but it really struck me, or my situation.  Our situation.

Kikyou's heart can love and hate the same person all at once.  So human, such an emotion of life.  I suppose that means she retains some piece of her humanity.  She's so clear about that, her emotions so strongly defined, but her intentions so murky.  And Inuyasha's heart?  Does he love Kikyou still, or does he love me now?  Or does he love us both, in our own ways?  

I don't think he doesn't care for me.  But that does not mean he loves me, either.

His heart is human enough that he might love us both. 

I don't want that.  Heaven forbid, I don't want that.

I want him to love _me_, and not Kikyou.

But neither can I ask him, beg him, forbid him to love another - and that is the main difference between Kikyou and I.  She wants him to be eternally devoted only to her; whether she says this of love or hate, I don't know, because for Kikyou, the line blurred a long, long time ago.  Maybe when Inuyasha called her name, and my soul left; or maybe before that, when Naraku took the jewel from her in Inuyasha's guise, and she realized that she had to murder the only one she loved.  I think that if I have to, by some horrible twist of hate, kill Inuyasha, I'll become just as twisted by grief and hatred as she was – is.  If this is really what Kikyou was like, the quiet miko whom Kaede sometimes speaks of so softly, so that we can't hear the regret, and the love in her voice.

It's not Kikyou's fault that she hates him for what Naraku did.  She knows the truth now, but the feelings are still too strong; she'll still hate him, just as much as she loves him.  She hates me, now, because I am where she wanted to be so badly - by Inuyasha's side, as the one who changes his heart, day-by-day.  It would have been her, and if I were not here, it would be - so she hates me.  And maybe I would hate her, too, if I was there and she was here.

I can't compete with Kikyou because she is dead.  I am alive.  That is the gist of it, a cruel unfairness that tears bitterly at her, as much as it does at me.  The dead cannot compete with the living, however they may try.  She holds Inuyasha's past in her hand, and we struggle over his present.  Because she is dead, Kikyou is a walking memory - I don't think she can change, no matter what she's told.  Her hatred is what moves her body, just as her love moves her forward.  Kikyou has no soul to be able change her life or personality, because she is dead - the finality of it is her greatest sorrow.  Yet, the memory that she is, that she is the epitome of, holds power over the one and only thing that Kikyou wants: Inuyasha. 

I wonder if I'm wrong.

Kikyou would hate me even more if she knew what I was thinking about her.  How presumptuous of me to think that I, the living, could understand her grief and suffering.  And it is.

But we are of the same soul.  I think there must be something I can pick up.

It is my understanding of our same love that gives me the strength to return to Inuyasha's side.  To stay there, and to wait when he is at hers.  I will wait for him, stay by him, because I want to be with him no matter what.  I want him to live, with or without me (although I prefer the first).  I understand that he needs me, too, and so that even though he cannot be joyful, or love me, because of Kikyou, I'll be with him still.  As long as she walks this earth, he owes her dearly, for changing him and loving him.  And I love him, too, and that changes everything.  I think I understand that he has a debt to pay to her, one of love and duty.  And since there is no real measure of love or hate, it may be near forever until he is done, because that is what type of debt it is.  But I understand, just enough - for I can wait, because I am alive, and Kikyou can't, because she is dead.  I love him, but I'm human, and I'm alive, and I understand.  And Inuyasha needs that, I think; needs to know that I know that he cannot ask me to stay, out of kindness to me and sorrow to him.  So, I do so anyway.  

So until this is over, I will stay here, by Inuyasha's side.  I understand that he is not only mine, and because I love him, it gives me hope that he might stay with me, too, in the end.

I hope that I'm right.  

~

_fin – December 10, 2001_

~

Extensively revamped April 13, 2002.

Extensively revamped September 23, 2002.

"Mou ichido Inuyasha aitai…" is a quote straight from Kagome in Act 176… thanks to the wonderful site I listed in the beginning.

When I wrote this, I took the idea that if a person wants, they can reincarnate them self; if they really really don't want, I think it makes sense that they could stop it, and just go straight to 'the beyond'.  ^_^ I'm also not sure if Kagome really down-right hates Kikyou, because Kagome is a very emotional character that seems to take the words 'love' and 'hate' very strongly, so she would have to really despise the other person to hate.  Most likely, that line will be changed in the future, but I stuck it in for now because I felt that Kagome was getting out of character.  ::is not a fan of OOC-ness.:: 

Why did I write this?  Well, I was sick and tired of seeing all sorts of things [fanfics] that had lines like, "Inuyasha loved Kagome more than he ever had Kikyou..." because really - Inuyasha was madly, deeply in love with Kikyou, the way a teenager falls in love (which he was/is).  He loved her, and wanted to stay with her for the rest of his life.  Is love really measured in amounts?  Saying "more than" or "less than"?  I was getting a bit (…okay, well, a lot) annoyed.  In my opinion, the quote about bread from Joanna from "Here Be Dragons" (which I _have not_ read, but the quote is pretty general) expresses my thoughts on it.  So, in a mini-rage, I wrote this when I really should have gone to bed.  Kikyou must be one of the most misunderstood characters in all the anime and manga I've read; I've never seen a character with such a tragic story that was so hated.  **_However_**, just because I like Kikyou, does not mean I want her to get together with Inuyasha.  Personally, I don't know what I _want _to happen to her, but I want her to have a [relatively] peaceful end and let Kagome live with Inuyasha forever in the Sengoku Jidai.  (Somehow, I can't imagine IY being very happy in the present time…)

For those of you who have actually _read_ Here Be Dragons, you must be laughing.  So what if the book is typed in size eight font and is over fifteen hundred pages?  No big deal.  So Kagome probably wouldn't be doing that book as a book report.  I wouldn't, heavens no.  But that's not the point.  Even though I haven't read the book, I did like it because I got it from one of my sister's fanfics…

As of September 23, 2002:

Well, I've personally re-thought some of my thoughts on Kikyou since first writing this.  Just because the woman has a clay body doesn't bloody mean that she can't _change _(see, because changing is half the basis of "When Ice Burns", oops).  However, for the sake of posterity and because I really don't feel like re-writing such an essential part of this fic, it stays.


	2. Kikyou-bashing, and Notes

Originally written as an article, you can just look at this as part of my author's notes.  :D They do fit together – much of this is reasons as to why I wrote "A Touch More Of Insight" in the first place.

And I can I say right off that I HATE this title?  -_-

In the following, er, 'author's note', I have brought up most of what I think are the best arguments for hating Kikyou, and my own responses for why I think they're crap.  Read only with an open mind.  No one can say I don't give proper warning.

Re-edited September 23, 2002, when I was a bit smarter.

~

It was while I was writing my newest fanfic, _Burning Ice_ (which, at the time of this article is not yet posted), I realized something: of what type of person Kikyou is.  After writing four _Inuyasha_ fanfics (two of which heavily dealt with Kikyou) and reading dozens, if not hundreds, on the web, I have come to this conclusion:

  
I really, really, really hate Kikyou bashing.

I also hate Kagome bashing, but that nearly never happens in fanfics, so I won't discuss that today.  (This goes along with just general stupid character bashing.)

These days, I'll click on a fanfiction link for _Inuyasha_, and I'll see dozens of fanfics listed.  Some of them have good descriptions, some of them have bad ones, and some of them are just plain whiny.  But I'll always read the ones that sound interesting, or ones written by familiar authors, or the ones that have an obscene amount of reviews… and by now, I'm fairly sure that I read a good deal of the _Inuyasha_ fanfics on Fanfiction.net, from some sort of hope of finding something good – not to mention other archives.

And nine times out of ten, the fanfic will always have what I'm beginning to call the EKS – "Evil Kikyou Syndrome".

If it's an alternate reality, Kagome is the struggling, good-hearted girl while Kikyou is the jealous, evil one set out to undermine her.  If it's a canon fic, then Kikyou is an evil bitch that's the most horrible person on Earth because gasp! she's getting in the way of Kagome and Inuyasha becoming a couple.  (Isn't the Evil Person in _Inuyasha_ supposed to be Naraku?)

Don't get me wrong.  I'm not a Kikyou-Inuyasha fan - good heavens, no.  I'm a devote Kagome-Inuyasha fan.  However, so often, Kagome-Inuyasha fan is synonymous with Kikyou hater, or Kikyou-fan with Kagome hater.  (Or, even that Kikyou fan is also a Kikyou-Inuyasha fan, and that's taking things too far.)  But to sum it up, it just really irks me to see all the Kikyou bashing on the web.

No, that's not true.  What _really _bothers me is these people's reasons for bashing her.

For a long time – years now, really - I've read essays, articles, and the like for _Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon_, which I'm sure everyone reading this has heard of by now.  So often, when I'd go to a personal website, I'd see that a top, number one hated character was Tsukino Usagi.  Why?  Because she's clumsy, stupid, a pig, cowardly, et cetera, et cetera.

It's understandable.  Just because she has a good, courageous heart underneath all her faults doesn't mean she needs to be universally adored.  Each person to his or her own.

Yet, when people hate Kikyou, their reasons are far less logical or even understandable than any I've ever read for Usagi.  I've heard arguments such as, "Oh, look at her – she comes back to life, and all she does is try to kill Inuyasha!  She even sides with Naraku, who's the one who tricked her in the first place, EVEN when she knows the truth, and she's so _mean _to Kagome!"

That's all true.  I accept that; after all, I haven't nailed blinders to my head like most of the world.  However, these people also neglect to mention all the other aspects of Kikyou.  Takahashi Rumiko created an incredibly complex character – it's difficult to see what her goal is so much of the time, or what she really wants.

Yes, she tries to kill Inuyasha – technically.  She really just wants to drag him down to hell with her (which amounts to the same thing), probably for many reasons.  She knows that it wasn't his fault, but she's bitter about having had to go through it all in the first place; in her mind, Inuyasha got through the fifty years just fine, and got himself a new girlfriend [Kagome], too.  Being betrayed can sometimes bring out the best and worst in you – and the only person Kikyou is, is not even truly mortal.  She's dirt and ashes and demon's magic, mixed up to bring back the strongest feeling at the time of death – in this case, it was her feeling of betrayal and hatred from Inuyasha.  Despite her knowledge given to her later, I can't imagine her just being able to 'let go' of all that hate.  Psychiatric help is difficult to give to a dead person.  (Mayu, who was about ten, was the Exception That Proves The Rule.)  After all, to feel so horribly violated by the one you love most – when you're told that all that suffering you did wasn't supposed to happen, I don't think it quite matters.  You still suffered.  Like those people misinformed during wars, waiting for their loves to come home.  You're told that your husband or wife just died, and then you grieve – and then it turns out that your love was actually alive.  Well, the nice side of that is that they're alive, but otherwise, face it – you still had to undergo all that pain.  The emotions just don't go away because it wasn't supposed to happen – in fact, I think it would make it worse.  "Oh, sorry, you know all that time that you were in horrific grief and agony?  It wasn't supposed to happen, so why don't you just forget this little mess ever occurred?"

Not to mention that she has this other 'her', hovering around.  It's certainly not Kagome's fault that she's Kikyou's reincarnation – she asked for it no more than Kikyou asked to be brought back to 'life'.  And I think, on some level of Kikyou's mind, she knows that.  She's shown to be far too intelligent not to.  But it doesn't stop her from being bitter on all the other levels - of knowing that Inuyasha doesn't really need her, because he has someone else already.  He got on just fine without her, while she died and suffered alone.  A-LONE, which might also be a reason why she's so intent on having a companion when she makes the return trip.

True, also, she doesn't exactly mind being brought back to life.  She says it herself in Act 124 (episode 34) – that in this new body, she is far freer than in her past life – free [of] to love or [of] to hate.  But when you're given a chance to complete something you were never allowed to do – well, the saying "don't look a gift horse in the mouth" comes into play.  After all, no matter what she does, it seems that Kikyou believes she's _already _damned to hell, so she can do what she wants, feel as she wants, as she never could before [due to her restrictions with the Shikon no Tama].

One of the _worst_ arguments I've read is that even though she's not quite herself, she was unable to retain the best of her personality, which Kagome has.  I.e., Kagome reacts 'better' (can you really say 'better' in this type of situation?) than her while in similar situations, while Kikyou gets hacked off and acts Evil.

Oh, yeah, and if I got killed by my lover (or at least thought I did – same thing ITC), was brought back to life by a demon, then, got my soul ripped from me, and was left with only the darkness and vengeance of my past life, _I'd_ be perfectly amiable toward the world, too.

Ignoring that, the best arguments I've ever heard from that side is the one of her, Inuyasha, and trust.  Because she neglected to have faith in Inuyasha, she went and pinned him to a tree so he wouldn't kill any more people.

The holes in that argument annoy me to a point where I have to mention it because people just won't shut up about it.

First off, Inuyasha also didn't trust Kikyou.  He saw it this way: Kikyou just tried to kill me, she betrayed me, and I'd better go retrieve the Shikon no Tama before it's too late.  Notice that he reverted back to selfish notions (turning into a full youkai.)  But of course, he's the hero; no one gets angry with _him_ for not trusting her.  It's simply so much easier to hate and blame Kikyou, who even saw it similarly: Inuyasha just ripped into my chest, he betrayed me, I have to go save the village (which included her little sister, by the way) and the Shikon no Tama before it's too late.  He thought she was going to kill him, she knew she was already going to die and wanted to save her village before that happened.  In a case like this, neither one is 'wrong'.

Certainly, you _can _say that in a world full of magic and the like, and if she loved him so much, she should have been able to 'sense' that it was not Inuyasha.  However, technically, she didn't even see him; he just ripped into her, laughed, and took the Shikon no Tama.  (And when she got to the village, which was in flames, remember, he was holding it.  Guilty as charged.)  On that same side, Inuyasha didn't sense it was her, either.  It's just as much his fault as hers.

And the most general argument for that is this – that it was their first time loving anyone else.  As nice as the idea sounds, first loves often don't hold true – that's how you mature.  In your first relationships, it's more difficult to forgive and forget, because the people often lack the maturity to do so.  And they both led such difficult lives; I imagine that they were each so worried about this love not being real – that it would vanish on them – that they were just _waiting_ for the other to betray them.  Waiting for the dream to end, because it can't possibly be real.  After all, she was only human, and he just as good (or bad) as one.

The other arguments expressed are mainly through fanfics that I've read, and the AU ones really make me… well, when I'm in a good mood, annoyed is what I call it, and when I'm pissed off, disgusted is another.  "Alternate reality" doesn't necessarily mean that you have to throw the characters out of shape – in fact, since you're creating an alternate world, you have to try that much harder to retain their personalities.  But it's so much _easier_ to only show the horrible side of Kikyou, isn't it?

And moving away from that, the popular definition of an anime soul seems to be the very core, and essence of ones' self.  It is unchanging, despite the circumstances – including reincarnation.

However, so many people seem to treat Kikyou as if she _has_ a soul, and thus apply the same rules and judgments to her.

Really, I could have sworn Kagome had it.

The people that swear religiously that Kagome is Good and that Kikyou is Evil have blinders the size of China on.  They are of the same soul - comparing the two of them is virtually useless, which is probably one reason why Inuyasha skives over the subject himself.  And currently, the Kikyou wandering around, betraying Inuyasha and allying with Naraku, is soul-less.  In fact, if there's anyone to compare Kagome to, it is Kikyou when she was alive at age seventeen, five hundred and fifty years ago.  Unfortunately, we know very little about that living Kikyou; she was obviously spiritually skilled, intelligent, and kind – not only did Kaede adore her, but even in the latter-day Sengoku Jidai, so many of the children in the villages she helps in do as well.  She was also very sad, since she was unable to live normally.  She had to, instead, constantly be on her guard, showing no weaknesses for fear of attack.  It's no wonder she fell in love so quickly with Inuyasha, and again, no wonder that she's milking her freedom of being 'dead' as much as she is.

In fact, Kikyou's only selfish wish as a living woman was to be normal.

Oh, that's the most horrible thing I've ever heard.  Start the bonfire, I'll drag her over there in a second, just wait until she stops screaming.

Oh, and see, she also had this minor problem of guarding this little jewel that has a habit of making everyone who deals with it undergo some type of tragedy, but you know, Kagome obviously deals with it so much better so since Kikyou didn't why don't we all _condemn_ _her, _damn it.

Amusingly enough, I find that when half of a couple perishes, and the other half is in mourning for his or her loss, it is seen as _romantic_.  It does have the sweet tang of bittersweet-ness to it, saying that 'that person was my only love'.  But then, when Inuyasha is still attached to Kikyou, and Kikyou to him, it is seen as _wrong, _that he should love only Kagome, as she is alive, and leave Kikyou, as she is dead.  Sometimes, for a person, there really is only 'one love'.  While I don't think that's the case for Inuyasha_, _I find it interesting that certain people will blather on about 'my one true love' in one genre of anime and then, when switching to _Inuyasha_, will harp about him 'never having loved' Kikyou and how he loves Kagome and only Kagome and should essentially kill/forget/maul Kikyou.  Hypocrisy should not be a popular trend.

Despite all this, I know that you don't have to like her.  It's only after writing all of this and my two Kikyou-based fanfics that I do, on some level, like her; before, I hated her guts.  But I wanted to know _why_ I hated her so.  And that really changed everything, because even if you don't like her, it doesn't mean that she's to blame.

Because the evil Kikyou I see so often in fanfics is nothing but a farce; a two-dimensional, flat figure, so lacking in character of what really makes her.

And it's those fanfics that I believe do the very least justice to _Inuyasha_.  You can have a fantastic plot, and wonderful ideas, but when you make these beloved characters stupid and fake, your story just _sucks_.  It's probably not a coincidence, either, that often, the authors that trivialize who Kikyou is, making her into a very thin, lacking character, often cannot keep even Inuyasha and Kagome in character, and they're the easiest ones in the whole thing to write, mainly because we see them so much.

Because, really - unless a person is perfectly capable of honestly saying, "Oh, you know, you could do all that crap to _me_ and I'd be exactly the same good, wonderful person," then that person needs to cut back on the Kikyou-bashing.  I really can't stand it, especially in fanfics; a person doesn't need to like her, but if you have to portray her in fanfics, show all sides of her.  The dark, bitter Kikyou we see in the latter chapters of the manga and episodes of the anime is a body, with no soul – she says it herself.  A person without a soul, a person who has had her love taken from her (by her own '_self_'), a person who died full of grief, a person brought back to a half-life by a demon, a person whose greatest duty, the protecting of the Shikon no Tama, is not even granted her anymore.  Taken, instead, by her reincarnation.

What, is she supposed to serve Kagome some cake and tea?

People seem to think that Kikyou should be all forgiving and understanding.  It really makes me wonder what she has to do to earn absolution from the fans – commit suicide?  Bring Inuyasha and Kagome together?  For that matter, since when does a character have to attain sainthood or martyrdom in order to avoid hatred?

You don't need to like her.  You can hate her, for all I care.  I hate Miaka from _Fushigi Yuugi_ myself.  But don't do it for the wrong reasons.  Do it for the right ones, whatever those are.  And if you write fanfics, then please – I'm begging you.  Do justice to Kikyou – she certainly didn't get it in her life.  Write her as she truly is, not as you'd like to _say _she is.  Otherwise, this will have been a waste.

Because even though I despise Miaka beyond words, if I ever write a _Fushigi Yuugi_ fic, I'll write her as the anime and manga make her to be: a devoted, in-love, kind-hearted girl who was only trying to return to her lover and her best friend while saving the Earth.  That is who she is, and nothing, not blinded fanfic writers or whiny fans, can ever change that.

I challenge all those reading this article to come up with an excellent – I mean _excellent_ – reason for Kikyou to be hated, one that you're positive I can't counter.  If you can, and you send it to me at Kylara@haneoka.net or through reviews at fanfiction.net, and if it's that good, I'll post it along with a response.  Perhaps I'm being a bit arrogant here, thinking that no one can really counter what I'm saying – but since all the proof I have so far is what I read on fanfiction.net (and what I skim through at the occasional ML), then you should know very well where this assumption comes from.

But after all this – can you still hate Kikyou?  I certainly hope not.

~

Note: this doesn't mean you're supposed to stop hating Kikyou and hate Kagome instead.  Hate anyone, then just hate Naraku.  _He's_ the miserable little dip wad that made everyone's lives miserable, not Kikyou.  (I don't see a whole lot of Naraku-haters on the internet, really… maybe we give his evilness an excuse because he's the bad guy o.O)

I am sorry if someone was offended, but well, I warned you, so too bad?

I also have several disclaimers:

One: the fanfic authors I spoke of were never mentioned by name.  That means that even if you _think_ I was talking about you, I wasn't.  It was somebody else.  It will always _be_ somebody else.  .

Two: I said that this was _opinionated_.  You don't read other people's opinions without being prepared to be offended.

I am not, myself, the greatest Kikyou fan in the world, although I admit, I like her a great deal.  And so you ask, "Why did I write this?  Only someone devoted could have written such a pro=Kikyou-article!"

I was trying to be as objective as possible – and if being objective brings up a positive view of Kikyou, then what does that tell you?

I am also not in the habit of writing such deliberately inflammatory pieces – after all, I don't like being yelled at, nor do I like being crudely insulted.  However, I was more than annoyed – so if you think this article stinks, then bring it on.  But if you can't even back up your answers with some hard-core reasons, then I'll just laugh more heartily than you'll ever know.

Oh, and one last thing: someone said that I'm taking this all too seriously.  Well, if you're thinking that about me, why are you reading fanfics in the first place?  O.O

This was something I felt I really had to write – I'd love to post this on an _Inuyasha _shrine one day, but since I feel no urge to make any such website anytime soon, I decided to post it as a fanfic.  ^_~ Besides, some people who reviewed TRFL said they wanted to read it, and… well, ho-hum.

Asides from that…

Kagome and Inuyasha rule!  ^_^

-

Written by Kylara

Completed February 9, 2002

Revised September 23, 2002


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